Pain
by bluebirdheart
Summary: This hit me harder than Lucy's fears or Susan's doubts. Edmund's Pain. [Set at the beginning of LWW - Reworked and republished.]


_Summary__:This hit me harder than Lucy's fears or Susan's doubts. Edmund's Pain. [Set at the beginning of LWW - Reworked and republished.]_

_Hello good folks of Fanfiction :). I wrote this story a while back. It was posted on a different account that I'm no longer active on. I have reworked it a little, but the general concept is the same. I love Peter and Edmund fics in general, so this idea popped in my head and I had to write it out. This is set during the beginning of LWW on the train ride to the professor's house. _

_Enjoy :)_

_**Disclaimer: ….I don't own...**_

CLICK. CLACK. CLICK. CLACK.

Lucy sighed loudly and turned from the train window that she had been looking out of for the past five minutes. Small tears began to make their way down her face. A glance toward Susan told me that she had not missed the start of Lucy's tears either. I raised my eyebrows questioning and she gave me an encouraging nod.

"Don't cry, Lu." The words even sounded pathetic to my own ears.

"But Peter," she mumbled dropping her head to where I could barely hear her. "What if we get there, and it is just awful? What if the professor is a mean to us? What if-?"

"That wouldn't be much different than living with Peter."

"Edmund! That is a terribly rude thing to say." Susan gasped, but it didn't matter because the snide comment had already hit the target. _Me_. Edmund's face briefly looked shocked at the rebuke, but he recovered with a scowl in her direction. Susan usually wasn't the one to reprimand him.

Lucy looked at me with sad eyes and whispered, "If that is so, then maybe it wouldn't be so bad."

"Thanks Lu," I smiled down at her as she tried to make up for Edmund's outburst. The concern for my feelings aside, I could still see the fear building as the train carried us farther down the creaky track.

"Seems like a helpless situation," Edmund said flippantly breaking the silence, he never was one to know when to hold his tongue. Lucy turned from me and leaned towards him entranced by Ed's words.

"Helpless." She whispered lowly, looking from Ed, to Susan, and then back to me.

"Probably shouldn't even get off the train."

I threw Susan a glance and she immediately interrupted Edmund's sour speech. "Edmund, no need to make matters worse. I am sure everything will be fine once we arrive." I gave her a quick nod of thanks, I wasn't in the mood to fight with our brother. "We'll be together. And that's the important thing." She added almost as an after though for Lucy's benefit, I'm sure.

Edmund snorted his disbelief, "Well that's if they don't separate us."

"Ed," my voice cut through the cart. My own warning now added to Susan's gentle one.

"Separate us?" Lucy gaped clearly haven't thought of that possibility until now.

"Then we will be helpless, hmm?" Of course, Edmund always had to add one more jab.

I felt my temper flair as my voice boom across the little car. "Edmund, that IS enough!" Ed seemed to finally understand my unspoken threat because he instantly became quiet.

"That wouldn't happen, would it, Peter?" Lucy asked turning her eyes towards me as they pooled with tears. I felt my stomach knot over as my greatest fear was finally voiced. My mouth went dry and I suddenly was lost for words. I turned towards Susan desperate for some sorta help. Only she had paled and her eyes were holding the same question as Lucy's.

"Of course not," I finally heard myself answer Lucy's question. I promised Mum that I would take care of my siblings. And I planned to do that at all cost. "I would never let them split us up or take you all away." I promised meaning every word as I looked at the three sets of eyes. " – not even Edmund on his worst days."

It earned me a sarcastic "Thanks Pete," along with a chuckle from Susan and Lucy. I smiled slightly, glad to see that Lucy was no longer crying.

"And, Lu, I count four of us total. That means we are not alone or helpless. We're going to be okay." She nodded slowly. "You believe, your big brother, right?" I asked still speaking to Lucy, but I raised my eyes at Susan.

"Okay, Peter. I do." The small voice answered and I reached over to dry her tear-streaked face. Susan gave a grateful nod and I knew that was her silent confirmation.

Edmund looked at me with an odd look before opening his mouth to speak. But seemed to think better of whatever argument he was about to raise and clasped his lips shut. I let out a breath relived that we were not about to fight. I hated fighting with him but that was happening more and more since Dad left.

I nodded my thanks in his direction and he gave me his best version of the stink eye. I couldn't help but smile thought because his face looked so ridiculous scrunched together. He grunted, but I notice a small grin tugged at his lips as he turned to look out the window.

"We're all going to be okay." I repeated as a wave of weariness swept over me. I was glad that the problem had been handled.

* * *

"Peter?"

"Peter, are you asleep?"

No, not anymore. My head was groggy and I knew I hadn't been asleep for very long. The rhythm of the train mixed with my exhaustion must have overpowered me.

"What's wrong? Hey…stop poking me."

"Oh….sorry"

"What's wrong?" I opened one of my eyes peering down at my youngest sister. Then around the quiet car trying to see what had upset her. Susan seemed to be sleeping and Edmund was still looking out the window.

"Uh…nevermind. Just go back to sleep."

I wish it were that easy sometimes.

I blinked a few times, before finally turning both eyes towards the panic looking Lucy. So much for the problem being solved. "No, I'm already awake. What's wrong, Lucy?"

"Well..I.."

"What is it, Lu?"

"Don't be mad, okay?"

I sighed. "Just tell me."

"Fine. Well…I miss home." She slapped her hand across her mouth as if she had let out a huge secret.

"Oh Lucy, I know you do, sweetie." I made my voice soft the way Mum use to when comforting one of us. I had a new respect for my mom and dad, being a parent is hard work. Her eyes were searching mine, and I did my best to give a smile. "It'll be a little while, but we'll be home soon enough."

I was a bit worried if we'd ever see home again, but I could never tell her that. Instead, I pulled Lucy close to me, and gently rubbed her back.

I mentally started trying to think of things that would distract her, but could think of nothing. Becoming desperate, I thought about kicking Susan to wake her up. She could always come up with a game even if it was stupid and pointless.

"I want to see Mum and Dad," she sniveled.

Please, no tears. Please, no tea-

"Stop your crying," Edmund hissed lowly. I wasn't even sure if Lucy had heard him.

"Edmund!" I warned glaring at him across the cart.

"What? She has whined this whole trip!" He said turning his dark gaze fully towards us.

"Watch yourself."

"What? It's true."

"Your not helping." I gritted my teeth. Count. Count. Don't loose your temper. Susan was still asleep and I didn't want to wake her.

Lucy's sob was sharp and high, and I realized that she had been holding her breath this whole time to keep from crying. She must have heard Edmund's request.

"Lu." The sound of her name broke all control as she sobbed into my shirt. Her cries were heartbreaking and all I could do was glare at Edmund. One…two…three…four…

"What's wrong?" Susan's sleepy voice asked. "Everything okay?"

"I..I..I want to see them NOW," Lucy sobbed into my side.

"We all do!" Edmund snapped loudly as he jumped up from his seat. Susan jumped too, and her eyes were now wide-awake.

"What's going on?"

"Bloody war! Lucy, do you really think that you are the only one that misses Mum and Dad? Well you're dead wrong! We all do! We're all scared! So shut it!"

I sat stunned. I heard Susan gasp as everything finally registered. Lucy broke out into even harder sobs and she began to mumble off apologizes. She shouldn't apologize; Edmund was the one out of line.

I felt the anger grow and burn inside me. I stood up too and glared down at my kid brother. My fists clenched together at my sides as I was bouncing up and down on the balls of my feet. I breathed deep resisting the urge to punch him.

He stiffened preparing himself for the hit.

Instead, I grabbed Ed by the shirt collar pulling him up to meet my glare. He whimpered and snapped his eyes tight.

"Peter." Susan's voice was muffled with concern.

"Hush," I hissed back.

"Peter."

I wasn't listening anymore. Edmund's eyes were still shut and I shook him back and forth. "Look at me, brat!"

His eyes slowly opened to meet mine.

I felt like I had the breath knocked out of me. My stomach doubled over on itself again. Only nobody had punched me. I once heard my father say that the eyes are the windows to a man's soul. And now, I knew what he meant as I stared down into Edmund's face. This hit me harder than Lucy's fears or Susan's doubts.

Pain.

I saw so much anguish in Edmund, that it stunned me. I finally realized how much turmoil and pain Edmund had been dealing with on his own.

He was afraid, just like Lucy, only he couldn't express it the same way. That explained why he would smart off every time she mentioned anything about her fears. And he had his doubts, just like Susan, only he couldn't stand to be honest about it; so he joked it off.

Edmund ended up on the floor with a soft yelp. Oops. I hadn't realized how fast I had released my grip.

I took a deep breath trying to sooth my nerves. I was still shaking, but not from anger anymore. My head started to swirl and I took a step backwards. I wasn't feeling so good. I guess the lack of sleep was starting to get to me.

Susan was by Ed's side and I heard her ask him if he was alright. He didn't speak, but shrugged off the arms that were trying to embrace him in a hug. After a few moments she gave up, glared at me, and returned to her seat.

I turned slowly and sat back down. Lucy had curled up in a ball, and was weeping in to her knees. I scooped her up and held her against my chest. She sobbed into my shirt, clutching to me like she was was three again and had a hurt knee.

Ed didn't move from the floor for a solid five minutes. Then when he did, it was quickly and quietly back to the bench.

Lucy had finally stopped the tears. I was glad to see that she was almost asleep. I rubbed small circles in her back hoping that she would get some rest. She had a tough day – we all had.

My head was still spinning, but I couldn't sleep. I kept staring at Edmund. He wouldn't meet my gaze anymore. The guilt he must have felt for yelling at Lucy. He just kept looking at his shoes.

He must have felt my gaze on him because he shifted nervously, but not once did he look up. He was embarrassed with himself. He would have rather took the hit square across the chin, than have me ignore the whole outburst. He didn't want me, _me_, of all people to be disappointed with him.

I sighed, and looked at Susan pleading for some sorta help. It was then that we heard a soft, throaty sob, but this time it didn't come from Lucy.

CLICK. CLACK. CLICK. CLACK.

_**Finished.**_

_Thank you for reading. Reviews (positive or negative) are welcomed and would be greatly appreciated._


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